A bittersweet memory
People always have that perfect happy lives in this virtual world. But hardly do we know what they are dealing with in real.
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I was living a normal student life; graduated from college, doing my master's until it happened. 3 years of living in the polluted city of Delhi deteriorated my health and my university days became very exhausting. I was diagnosed with a Kidney Infection which subsequently led me to quit my Master's during the final year. I came back home and never wanted to go back. I just wanted to free myself from everything and just focus on doing things I enjoyed. That’s when I founded the 'Mingsel Foundation'-a group of feminists aiming to strive for equality and justice who are dedicated to empowering women in Manipur by endorsing sisterhood among women. Health-wise, I was recovering from my illness pretty well but my mental health deteriorated to a point that it started affecting my physical wellbeing as well. I would easily get tired and exhausted to even go for my daily hygiene routine. And I don't even want to remember my eating habits. One moment I would be so hungry and binge eating but for most of the days, it was the pukish feeling that I always experienced whenever I saw food. Eating disorders combined with insomnia and the constant numbness of my legs became an everyday struggle for me. I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t read, I felt like a zombie most of the time. But the desire to get better asked me to take action for myself. I started to act happy because I wanted to be happy. Somewhere I also came across that line that motives you asking you to "fake it until you make it". So, yeah..that was the plan. You see...People always have that perfect happy lives in this virtual world. But hardly do we know what they are dealing with in real.
It was my sisters of Mingsel and my near and dear ones who constantly gave me hope and encouragement, to find myself again, to know who I truly am. We watch sunsets, rainbows, and pretty sky every day talked about how amazing Mother Nature is and how blessed we are to have each other's who are willing to genuinely listen and not get a judgment in return, who accepts me just the way I am with nothing more and nothing less. That's when I started recovering and healing that I realized how simple it is to help someone heal. For me, it was these little things and gestures that remind me that I deserved to be loved and happy which has made all the difference.
In this world, people are expected to work endlessly and not appreciated for taking breaks and healing themselves. All that matters is the amount of productivity one has to offer. Just after I quit my Masters, I do get the chance of starting my career again but I choose not to and I take a break because I value my mental health more than people’s expectations. After one year of dedication towards the work of Mingsel, I realized during August that I am now ready to start everything again. I quit Instagram at the beginning of September to get myself back on track again and focus on preparing for MA entrances after a long gap. Now, I am happy more than ever. Thanking each one of you who have been with me through this journey.
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