Delusional or Lucid just living a Hopeful Life- By Annonymous
In the dusk of life, when everything fades away, I am rattling on the inside and bleeding on the outside as well. Inside this body poses a mind that remains oblivious to the outside world, confused, mentally strained, and overwhelmed. A heart has been broken by people that are supposed to be close relatives and I struggle to disavow that reality at any cost- however, perishing inside as the reality persists. Beyond that body and mind remain scars of abuse from her blood-related one, unworldly outstanding features of bullies and domination since childhood. Life is still haunted by that aggressive, overpowering, and everything contrary to nice but has been treated normally without any realization. How can something so rude be so normal till that day, when I have been accepting it as a pure form of "care"? How naive I have been in this rudely constructed society; I wonder!
This is a story of a girl whose life has been smashed by her blood-related folks. Nevertheless, everything seems unperturbed from the outside even the wound is deep like the crack on the wall when you peek at it closely.
Doing what I love and doing what I enjoy is the only principle of my existence- in that, I never harm anyone consciously or unconsciously in that process- nor have any expectations towards anybody. When toxic expectation piles up from those close to you- living on your terms is a crime. In all the work I prefer to do, my only concern is my satisfaction in the process of doing it- nothing else! But those people especially your relatives who judge every work based on the output or the rewards- will never understand the unwavering motivation and dedication in doing what we love the most. The process of satisfaction in doing itself is the ultimate reward and I am forever grateful to those who provided me the opportunity to do the service of my choice.
Being the youngest in a conservative family will never let you harness the liberty of living on your terms. Without even realizing every path was scripted and accepted as per their way of life. When you break the shackles of domination and scripted life- the question and restriction surfaces without any mercy to understand the damage that has been caused to an individual.
The greater tyranny is that- It is not only me who is questioned but my close mentor with whom I found solace in doing what I love to do in life.
The day when I ceased to return home just because I am more occupied with the people I associate with in doing our social activities- the controlling fire burst out harming my life at the core. Gender norms and gender-related imposition of patriarchial society are where I strive to challenge in all possible ways. However, when that restriction is imposed and bullies are perpetuated towards me- the world crashed down but I did stand up for myself for the first time. No mercy from none but blame me for the choice I make about myself. I don't believe in a relationship based on obligation- any relationship should be fostered out of true love and care, not through obligation. Here true means trying to understand at least before bitching behind the scene from their narrow lens of life. The peoples whom nature has set up as a "family" or the "Siblings" are the ones that caused the most mayhem to our life- if your path is different from theirs. I choose my tribes with whom I thrive over shallow relationships based only on obligation. Even if I have to live alone forever- I will stand for the one who woke me up in all spheres of my life; who gave me light during my darkest pit- who pull me up from the shackles of obligation, domination, and fear. I choose my path toward the truth and am hopeful about my journey ahead.
I promise to continue living on my terms as truthful as I feel. If only I could have stood up before letting them tarnish my whole joy of life- I will remain hopeful for a better present away from domination and control from a conservative setup. I will liberate myself towards a journey of fulfillment and joy forever- this I promise to myself every day.
NB: The author wants to remain anonymous.